The following proportions are for the production of a fine, well-balanced youth transitioning out of the foster care system, ready to begin running their own life.
5 cups of grit
3 heaping tablespoons of self-worth
1 friend, minimally
1 transitional living situation
1 college support team (note: this can be substituted for a career support team)
1 organization designed for transitional youth
Sprinkle liberally with stability
Check assumptions, add relevant legislation, mix together and season with love.
Over the past few months I’ve had the opportunity to interview a number of former foster youth and at some point during the interview the question of love, or “why not love,” comes up, as in, “I don’t understand why my [fill in blank] didn’t love me.” Ironically though, when I asked four former foster youth what they thought was an essential ingredient for a former foster youth – none said love.
Both Georgette Todd and Jasmine Torres said, “top of head, it’s stability.” Jasmine goes on to say, “in a system that will change your social worker, change your group home or foster home, where foster siblings or group home roommates change every month – you need something that is stable and healthy that can serve as a constant.” Georgette adds, “Just one person can really make a difference in giving you a sense of normalcy.”
Who are these stability providing people and how have they gone to the top of the list? Whether it is a social worker, a CASA, a mentor, a teacher, a lawyer, a therapist – those too can change, but who are the ones that are staying? The ones that seem to stick and as Georgette suggests, become your “go-to people,” Do we think that love in some form lurks within the chimera of “stability?” I do.
From the Beatles to Aloe Blacc, there have been a lot of songs written around the theme of “All you need is love.” How does a child taken from their home for any number of reasons and put into a situation with a sometimes stranger – how do they navigate their childhood to find love? How do they know that love even exists? And finally, how on earth can that that not be top of their “what they need to be successful list?” Or perhaps it is on the top of their list, but like wishing upon a star, or a birthday candle, perhaps finding, getting love just seems to be too much of a long-shot.
Add patience, forgiveness, and a touch of humility, as necessary, to set the recipe. Ask for help if you are having difficulty mixing in any of the ingredients. Repeat, as necessary. Note that the first time you try this, it might not come out perfectly and you may have to revisit some of the components. It does improve every time you make it.
Serve warm. This recipe should be considered successful when you can think of a handful of people who really care about what happens to you in your life.
